This week I was scared half to death. Several times really by some natural circumstances involving family but mainly just because I was scared. Why might you ask? Because this was my first holiday season away from home, my sisters, my mom and old friends. My customers at Starbucks were no encouragement when they asked of my holiday plans. Once I had told of them most recollected on their first holiday on their own and all of them (not joking) were horrifying stories of loneliness and nothingness. So then I was really scared to death because now I had observation and data collected that the first holiday by yourself sucks.

My method of trying to avoid let downs is to never get let up in the first place. Therefore I down played the importance of Christmas’s in my life. I told people that Christmas’s usually weren’t a really big deal in my family and that ever since my parents divorced it sucked figuring out who you spent Christmas with and that we stopped really doing Christmas (all of which is true), but when you are actually having Christmas, you don’t think about those things. I also planned on not celebrating. Deliberately, I decided that I wouldn’t call and try to make plans with those that were still in the city, I wouldn’t organize anything, I would just plan on existing on that day and where ever the wind blowed that is where I would go or do that day.

Turns out after all this down-playing I had a great Christmas. Christmas Eve I spent with a bunch of awesome friends, cooking, playing games and watching movies. It was fantastic. In fact I had so much fun that I didn’t even get home till the wee hours of the morning. That night will definitely be top ranking in the best Christmas’s ever. It wasn’t about giving lots of presents or large decorated silly trees (I do love a large decorated silly tree though), it wasn’t about who had the better gifts or trying to be happy and perfect because it was Christmas. Rather it was about being with close friends, enjoying that moment and spending those moments and memories with each other.

Looking back on my Christmas I learned that though I love my family and everything that used to represent home to me, they are no longer home. The are my family who I will love unconditionally. While it is cliche, home really is where the heart is. Right now my heart is here in San Diego, it is with Ben and Katie and their dream, our dream called Urban and it is with those that are working together to make our dream continually a reality. This is home. I was reading tonight in a book called, Soul Cravings, by Erwin Raphael McManus, about love and he makes this statement that just sums it up. He says, “Home is ultimately not about a place to live but about the people with whom you are most fully alive. Home is about love, relationship, community, and belonging, and we are all searching for home.”

After reading this I was talking to a dear friend and she commented on the fact that in all the pictures of all of my friends here in San Diego that are working together with Urban, that we seem to be having so much fun all the time. I tried to think of an explanation about such and such event and because we were doing this, but all I could say was the truth and that is, “We are.” I am having the time of my life because I have found home. In the movie, The Notebook, there is a scene where James Gardner’s character is asked to leave the assisted living facility where his wife is living and go back home to his kids and grandkids and he responds, “Allie is my home.” Home is not San Diego, Las Vegas, Idaho, or Washington for me, home is in God’s presence, it is in his will, it is in those that I’m sharing my life with who are on this adventure with me. Home is where my heart is. I have found home and it is true it is where I feel most fully alive.

In this New Year fast approaching I hope you can find home. Where ever that may be. I hope that some might find their home here with Urban as we launch every Sunday at 6PM meeting at On Broadway, starting January 11th. Whether you find your home with Urban or elsewhere more importantly I hope and wish in this New Year that you would find your home in the middle of God’s presence and will.

Wishing you the happiest and most blessed New Year!

Alayna

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